心情：百感交集
after yesterday's chat with you know who, if you dont know who then you dont know who, on msn for like 2hours and 12minutes. i realised some things, which set me thinking for the whole day today and yesterday night. i didnt really want to think about it, but im supposed to think about it, if that's how im going to put it. im always thinking about the same old stuffs, and it just keep repeating over and over in my mind. somethings that maybe i thought of it, but people just dont. i re-read what we talked about just now and ya, i was thinking of more things.
life is like a highway, and im gonna ride it. im sort of like firm in my belief and sometimes im self-centered. yes, i know some people will think this way but i personally do feel that i am sometimes. for example i always draw lines, i never fail not to. they are supposed to be who they are and not supposed to be your friend when they are not supposed to, you see.
"to be a good leader, you must first be a good follower. but being a good follower doesn't mean you are a good leader".
i understood this even before you explain it, but explanation just helps one to understand it furthermore. " you must first be a follower to LEARN and to KNOW how to be a good leader. cuz you learn through different perspectives. but sometimes, you aren't meant to lead. sometimes, your specialty lies somewhere else. " this might just apply to me but i just dont know if ive have that kind of ex factor to become a good leader. im that kind of person who accepts what is thrown to them. you give it to me, i take it, ill give my best.
but, i know sometimes im just so over particular about some stuffs. guess i inherited from my mum? for example, project work. i volunteered to do all the editing work, because what? if my group members edit it to some kind of document that is not up to my expectations, i will just redo it again. if you print some documents on some low-quality paper, ill just call you to send all the documents to me, and ill print in high-quality paper. just like my mum, if i lend you my clothes, no use washing it before returning it to me. because my mum will just wash it again because she dont think that your maid or your mum or you washed it clean enough, not up to her expectations.
i try to learn from things that i experienced, i mean maybe im not a very experienced person, but ill try to put myself in that person's shoe. if i can,but sometimes i just dont do it. if i ever dao you, dont blame me, cause i just dont feel like talking. just like this morning kamy asked me something and i replied her coldly. its not about emo la, i was just disappointed with myself and my bio. i feel like crying you see, but no friends ever saw me cry. if you did, tell me when and why. and somemore, i enjoy sitting by myself. i think having a partner is a nuisance unless i need their help.
this sound sucky, but thats what i think. thats why i said im self-centered sometimes. especially when you take the things on my table without asking but you informed. informing doesn mean that its asking. normally people would go like " i lend ah..." then take, i hate that. like when did i ever said that i would lend you. and i hate people to cross boundaries, that means you put your things or your body parts on my table. its just so distracting ok, and i dont do that. thats why i expect people to not do that. i know, im a very weird person, maybe i sound like someone youve never seen before or heard before, but im just this kind of person. and i dont know why, i will try to tolerate as much as possible.
and this is also the reason why i bought corrections tapes for brenda for her b.d present. to stop her from using mine. it sounds so mean of me, thats why im called peppermeanie. i dont like to wait for people even if my name is waiting, if you realised. but i hate being called that and weiting. shucks, if you call me to wait for you and walk out of the school with you, ill just go like " if i reach the back gate, i never see you. ill just go " i mean you can just walk out yourself ma, i wont die, but maybe you will die la.
sometimes i may not be a good listening ear i admit, but most of the time i dont need to listen. because i dont talk to people on the phone, i get annoyed and i just want to hang up. my finger is always position at the hang up button, so if you said bye, i just press. so if you still wanna say something, youll have to call again. also, i dont always return call, because i believe, if theres something important, you will call again. isnt that so?
im sucha lousy person. but everyone has his/her bad points, mine can be extreme but ill try to control myself. this is what a good friend you should be right? charisma teaches us the good values but nobody actually really do the right thing, because everyone is not perfect. you may have the best results in the whole world, but so what if you suck.
the most memorable sentence that i remember after watching gong zhu xiao mei is the scene whereby xioamai told nanfeng jin, "没有人是一座孤岛，只要是人都需要朋友。" after she realised the 2 friends that she made in the school were using her. i totally believe that sentence, and because you are friends thats why you should accomodate to each other, forgive and forget. life is all about overcoming problems that you meet, no one have a smooth life i believe and 走过必留下痕迹, words said out are just like water being thrown, like what they say. i dont want my life to go to waste and be just a normal person, who doesn speak without impact. i hope that i will become someone. i'll try to change but if i was born like this, i shall make use of my capability, if not everyone's the same and who's unique. i want to be unique not only because of my fingerprint, but because of myself.
this is sucha emo post i guess, reflecting on yourself is what im gonna do everyday i guess. but i think letting go is a better way and not worrying yourself every now and then. holding on something doesn make one feel good, i know. cause i experience it, the life's greatest secret of mine. o.o saw this on my friend's pm: "therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough troubles of its own"
new year resolution are meant to be made at the starting of the year. but im gonna add another one: " to keep a journal of reflection on myself and update it everyday without fail with effect after the march hols " and i guess i will update what i wrote in the journal in the blog. im enlightened after the 2hours and 12 minutes talk. everyone is important just like any other organs in the digestive system. we cant do without each other. a quote to share from wuzun: " Care more than others think wise, risk more than others think safe, dream more than others thinks practical, expect more than others think possible. "
thank you for your "inspiring" talk and sorry to those whom i've hurt.
小小大人物 “每个人都有一个伟大的梦想，只可能我说地太理所当然”
me and blossom while queuing up, she went to check out things when we heard people screaming. hahas,so ya.
dam small wuzun.
dam small chenyiru
dam small lianglin, looks dam cute when he smile ok!
dam small huyuwei and lianglin, and look at him, he's smiling again. HAHAHA.
dam small huyuwei
dam small chenyiru's hand and wuzun's omfg muscled arm. lawls.
DAM SMALL wuzun.
my autographed gong zhu xiao mei dvd which costs 39.90 =.=
scanned in version of the dvd.
